7 Steps to get over your Ex

Posted by Ana in Personal on May 20th, 2010 | 7 responses

Nobody enjoys a breakup. Whether the breakup was rough or amicable, it is not a pleasant thing. Whilst each and every situation is unique, there are general characteristics of a break up that apply.
So the story goes something like this…
You two break up (it doesn’t matter who did it). You panic and start chasing, pleading, phoning, texting, emailing. Chances are, you do something that will make you cringe when you look back at it. You replay the situation and the relationship over and over in your head trying to come up with answers. You start to neglect yourself, your job and the house. You drive your family and friends crazy with the incessant talking about your ex. Anything makes you cry. You are convinced that you messed up the best thing that ever happened. You feel that you will never be happy again or find another person to love. Then, time passes by. Eventually you get serious about having no contact. It will hurt but this is the turning point for most and the time when the healing can really begin.
Any of this sound familiar?

Everyone is different and unfortunately there is no magic formula to cure heartache. However, there are a few things that you can do to make it easier.

7 Steps to Get Over a Break-Up

1. Thinking
Think through things but do not obsess. It takes 2 people to start a relationship but it only takes one to end it. If it wasn’t what you both wanted it can’t go on. Thinking about why it ended may help make things clearer. Remind yourself why your ex wasn’t right for you.

2. Triggers
There will be many things that remind you of your ex. If they are objects then put them away. If it is a place you used to go together, avoid it. As they say, “out of sight, out of mind”.

3. Rethinking
It is all too common to romanticise about a relationship once it has ended. There is a tendency to only think about the good things and tell yourself that the bad stuff wasn’t so bad after all. Do not play this dangerous game with yourself. Fantasising about getting back together will eat away at you. Be clear that it has ended so you can start to move on.

4. Release
There will be a hate phase when all you will feel like doing is screaming. You’re angry with the world and don’t understand why this is happening to you. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You need to let go of this feeling as soon as possible as it is all consuming and a waste of time. Find it in your heart to forgive any wrong doings, yours and theirs.

5. Friends and Family
Surround yourself with supportive people who care about you and want you to feel good about yourself.

6. Write
Keep a journal or write poetry, music, etc. The most important thing is to be honest and not edit yourself as you go along. You may be amazed by the insights this will bring when you put pen to paper. You may even see patterns emerging. If you learn something about yourself, what you want or don’t want from future relationships, you have gained something.

7. Enjoy
Use it as an opportunity to spend more time with family and friends, do that drawing course you have been putting off, learn a language, read a book. Take pleasure in having time for yourself and enjoy being single.

Truth is, these steps will help, but nothing but time really works. Maybe one day someone will come up with a better way to deal with breakups. Until then it’s not going to be easy so all we can do is make it as painless as possible. Time and patience will be your best friends and allies.

How have you dealt with break ups? Any definite do’s or dont’s?

Photo by Flickr user Will Cyr




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