So here we are a few days into the New Year. Happy New Year by the way! Maybe you have had a wonderful start to the year, or maybe not. Maybe you made New Year Resolutions (and for the time being are still sticking to them), or maybe not. Maybe you love the month of January, or maybe not. Whatever your situation may be, the truth is that January 2012 is upon us.

January was established as the first month of the year by the Roman calendar. It was named after the god of beginnings and the guardian of doors and entrances, Janus (Latin word for door). Janus had two faces which allowed him to look forward at the New Year and back into the past at the same time. Janus became the ancient symbol for resolutions and many Romans looked for forgiveness from their enemies and also exchanged gifts before the beginning of each year.

January is that time of year when people make resolutions and seem to be full of good intentions, but as they say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions”. Some feel that resolutions give them hope. They represent the opportunity to do or become what they haven’t yet managed to achieve. Others may see resolutions as an excuse, in the sense that they represent a statement of intention rather than an actual goal.

Do you make New Year’s resolutions? Here is a list of the most common resolutions made

Top 10 Popular New Year Resolutions for 2012

1. Lose Weight
2. Getting Organized
3. Spend Less, Save More
4. Enjoy Life to the Fullest
5. Staying Fit and Healthy
6. Learn Something Exciting
7. Quit Smoking
8. Help Others in Their Dreams
9. Fall in Love
10. Spend More Time with Family

Source: University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology on Statistic Brain.

Regardless of your thoughts on New Year’s resolutions, whether you made them or not, now, today is as good as time as ever to achieve the things you want to and be who you Aim to Be. In order to stick to the promises you make yourself, here are 3 simple suggestions:

1. Be Realistic

Just like with other goals, give yourself small targets as well as long term goals. Work on achieving your goal step by step to keep you motivated and increase the possibility of achieving it. Imagine yourself actually achieving your goal (this will help you see if it is possible or needs a little tweaking).

2. Be Specific

People tend to be general about their intentions which makes it difficult to measure. (If you don’t know where you’re going how will you know when you get there?) Take the above Top 10 list for example. Say you want to lose weight, how much weight? What does being more organised mean? What does it look like? Spend and save how much more? What does it mean to enjoy life to the fullest? How will you know whether you are fit and healthy? And so on. By being specific you know where you’re going and how you’re doing.

3. Reward Yourself

Give yourself (figurative) carrots along the way. Most of us tend to find the stick approach much easier to use on ourselves. Make sure you remind yourself how far you have come and what you have done rather than what is yet to do. Celebrate achievements however small they may appear as this means you are a step closer to your goal.

Make sure your resolutions don’t end up in the bin of good intentions; make them things you will actually achieve.

Three cheers to a wonderful year ahead!

What are your thoughts on New Years resolutions?

Did you know that the tradition of setting New Year’s resolutions dates back to the ancient Babylonians? Their most common resolution was to return used farm equipment. Click Here for more Facts, Figures & Folklore About New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day.

Image by Flickr user Cyber Toon.

Have you just come back from a holiday? Are you suffering from post holiday blues? They say all good things come to an end and never has this been truer than in the case of holidays. However long you take off it never quite feels like enough. One day you are relaxing on the beach feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin and enjoying swimming in the sea. You have no care in the world other than what cocktail to drink next or which book to read. Then, before you know it, you are back at home worrying about the post that has piled up (bills undoubtedly!), dirty laundry, urgent emails and so on. Whilst your tan still remains and you look bright on the outside, you feel grey inside and your holiday already feels like a distant memory.

So what can you do to fight of what feels like a case of constant Monday Blues?

5 ways to fight the post holiday blues

B Bags

Unpack immediately. You may be tempted to leave your suitcase laying around with a few items inside so you can reminisce on your holiday. Fight this urge! Tripping over your suitcase for weeks to come is both annoying and disruptive.

L Look

Have something to look forward to. However much we enjoy our holidays there always tends to be something we miss at home. Plan something you enjoy doing for when you arrive. This will minimise the pain.

U Unwind

Take it easy when you get back. Resist the urge to stay late at work to catch up on all the emails and give yourself a first short week back in order to ease yourself back into the swing of things.

E Eat well

If you had a healthy diet over your holiday, keep it up. Your body enjoyed the natural fruit juices and fresh fish so do not deprive it of these from one minute to the next. If you over indulged, now is the perfect time to make up for it.

S Share

Sharing is caring. If you feel like you look more fabulous than usual, don’t keep yourself to yourself. Share! Take yourself out. Supermarket shopping or samba dancing, the main thing is to see and be seen!

Do you think this will help ease you back into real life? Any other suggestions?

Post holiday blues may be a sign that it is time to look at your life. Professor David Holmes at Manchester Metropolitan University carried out a study years ago on behalf of Churchill Travel insurance, to identify the key issues that contribute to this phenomenon. They released a mathematical equation that determines a person’s propensity to suffer from post holiday blues. The formula evaluates lifestyle factors and identifies those in need of improvement to help cure post holiday blues. Take the test and find out how you fare.

How did you do? If you want to score even better talk to someone impartial (such as a coach) who can help you determine where you want to be. This will help you become someone who looks forward to going and coming back from holidays as your day to day will become just as satisfying as your holiday.

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user teddyb.

Dinner party conversations can either make or break an evening. Arguably, it is equally (or more) important than the food itself in contributing to the success of the event. So how do you know if you are a good dinner party guest? Nobody likes to sit with a nonstop talker who monopolises every conversation. Equally, it is just as bad to sit next to someone who has nothing to say and you feel like you’re pulling teeth.

Some people thoroughly enjoy talking to strangers whilst others dread meeting new people as they fear they’ll have nothing to say. There are individuals who even when they are telling a boring and mundane story are able to make it funny and captivate their audience. There are also those who try too hard to be funny and this is just draining and dull.

The good news is that everyone can make it easier to talk and interact with a stranger and be a pleasant guest at a dinner party or any social gathering.

6 Ways to Start a Dinner Party Conversation

1. First things first. Introduce yourself. This is both common sense as well as good manners. It also avoids the awkwardness of waiting around for someone to make the introduction. State your name first rather than immediately asking for the person’s name as this may come across as aggressive.

2. If you are at an event organised by someone, a good starting point is always “so how do you know so and so”? If you don’t have a common contact, the best thing is to say something generic to break the ice. The good old weather topic is a good start. Or talk about the venue or the food. Maybe ask “What do you think of the venue” rather than “I hate this place”.

3. Inevitably, people end up taking about their occupation. Don’t be intimidated or put off by someone’s job. Find out what they enjoy doing outside of work. Everyone has hobbies and things they enjoy and will usually be happy to discuss them. Be enthusiastic and inquisitive as this will help build rapport.

4. Compliment someone on something they are wearing. You can say how much you like their tie, handbag, hat, pin etc. Just make sure it’s nothing too personal.

5. Talk about current events bearing in mind the old adage of steering away from religion or politics as a first approach.

6. Have some random facts up your sleeve that you can pull out to save the day. It can be anything in varying degrees of randomness, such as:

- Mosquitoes have 47 teeth.
- Asparagus makes your urine smell funny.
- It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
- “I am” is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
- The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
- Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
- The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

It can be anything that you find interesting. Ideally have a variety of more serious to more outrageous facts that you can use according to your audience.

Meeting and talking to new people can be an enriching and fun experience. Relax and enjoy it.

How do you get a conversation going with a new person? Have you had any fascinating conversations with an absolute stranger?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user Torley.

What do you want to be when you grow up? A familiar question that gets asked to children resulting in some fabulously entertaining answers (I for one wanted to be a princess and a detective part time). As we do in fact grow up, we soon learn that this is one of the most difficult questions we all have to face.

There are only a few people who as adults actually end up in their childhood dream job. Others start off thinking they’re on the right track and at some point realise it isn’t the right job for them. Whilst some will risk starting over and move on to something else, others prefer to stick it out. They say that the perfect job, like the perfect house doesn’t exist. It may be perfect at a particular point and for a length of time however long or short it may be.

Many social interactions start with “So what do you do for a living?” Whilst this may just be a means of starting up a conversation and being pleasant, this will inevitably lead to a certain degree of judgment. Do you think that you will have the same reaction and engage in the same way with someone who says “I am a brain surgeon” versus “I deliver pizzas”? The irony is that consciously or not we will make assumptions about this person based on their occupation. It is rather like judging people based on their appearance. Like it or not, first impressions count.

To what extend does what you do make you who you are? People often introduce themselves by stating their name followed by their occupation. It seems that it has become commonplace to measure your self worth based on work achievements which ultimately ends up defining an individual. When did we start placing so much pressure on ourselves in terms of what we expect our jobs will provide us? At what point did it become a source of fulfilment, recognition and definition of our own success? Should a job provide you with all this or is it just a way to make money?

These high expectations put too much pressure on your job (as it would if you placed this amount of pressure and made similar demands of anyone) and ultimately lead to a sense of frustration and disappointment. If your job is your main source of self esteem and respect for yourself, then this is not a winning formula.

How to make your J.O.B work for you

J oke

If your career defines you will always be on an endless quest for validation from other people, which may not happen. Constantly trying to impress others and only feeling good about yourself when you achieve something at work, is not balanced. Relax. Laugh off the stress from work when you leave the office. Don’t carry the weight of the world in the form of your job on your shoulders, as you will quickly run out of steam. Unload the pressure. Find other ways to validate and reward yourself.

O pportunity

Your job is an opportunity to learn and discover a great deal about yourself. You can find out about your likes and dislikes as well as your strengths and weaknesses. It is a source of both professional and personal development. Take pride in what you do and remember to go on holidays and switch off. Regardless of what you may think (and I am sure you are an integral and key part of your business), it will carry on without you. Nobody, however impressive they may be, is irreplaceable. So switch off after work and switch off your blackberry every so often.

B rand

You are much more than your job title. You are a work in progress, an ongoing masterpiece. How you brand yourself at work is important as it helps you define what you want and where you’re heading. It is equally, important to identify your interests outside of work so you don’t become a one dimensional individual.

Be proud of your achievements as a person, parent, sibling, spouse and friend as this is what makes you YOU. Remember to congratulate yourself for becoming the person you want to be.

Do you think a job defines a person? Do we make judgements based on a person’s occupation?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user cartoon_studio.

I came across the Top 10 Most Ridiculous Laws from Around the World and it got me thinking about rules in general. Are rules devised to control the behaviour of each individual? What are the incentives to comply with the rules?

There are legal rules that we have to follow otherwise we are breaking the law and there are concrete consequences for that. Then there are general societal laws that are far more subjective that the legal rules. Last and certainly not least, there are the self imposed rules. In our lives, who makes the rules? If we self impose certain rules, how do we reward or punish ourselves for good or bad behaviour?

As children we had rules in place set out by our parents and teachers. There were clear boundaries of what was considered to be acceptable behaviour. We quickly learnt that if we did not behave as expected, there were consequences, both at home and at school. As we grow up there are more rules and codes of conduct in the workplace that we abide by. We are told what to do and what is expected. This delineation makes it easier to understand and decide whether to follow the rules or break them.

What about the rules we impose on ourselves? Are they the same as those we impose on others? There is the golden rule that states “do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Let’s think about that in relation to values. What are your top 6 core values? Are these reflected in all the areas of your life? How do you ensure you are living by these values?

Imagine that one of your core values is honesty. How many times have you promised yourself to do (or not do) something and then act in exactly the opposite way? Are you being honest and true to yourself? What if someone promised to do something for you and didn’t? How would you react? How do you increase the likelihood of sticking to your own rules if there are no penalties or reprimands if you don’t?

Freedom of choice is a powerful tool. I will not suggest a set of rules to live your life by as that would be both constraining and patronising. The challenge is to get you to think about your core values and how they are being expressed in the different areas of your life. Some of your current rules may be serving you well whilst others may prevent you from moving forward and realising your full potential. After all, cookie cutters are for cookies, not for you. Break the mould. Be your own person.

What rules do you self impose that serve you well? What rules do you feel may be holding you back?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user Chloester.

To thank or not to thank, that is the question.

Thank you. Two short and simple words we say several times throughout the day to strangers for the services they provide such as making our sandwich, selling us the paper, etc. If it is so easy to say thank you to total strangers in their workplace, why is it so difficult to utter these same words to those we work with?

Many managers would agree with one or more of the following statements about thanking people at work:

- You shouldn’t thank someone for doing their job.
- If they were doing something wrong I would tell them.
- It’s too simple to have any impact.

Why is it that managers don’t realise that a simple thank you costs nothing and can positively affect morale? A possibility is that senior management place less importance on recognition, consequently they assume everyone thinks the same way. Businesses spend time and money on training to develop their staff which is fantastic, yet a sincere thank you from the boss can really boost productivity and have a huge impact. In terms of surveys regarding work satisfaction, being appreciated at work consistently rates higher than pay.

People are an important competitive advantage in any organisation and retaining good staff is vital. Many surveys show that people change jobs because they didn’t feel valued and appreciated. In fact, exit interviews list this as one of the main reasons for leaving.

People tend to be aware if they are doing a good job or not, yet that is not the point. They want to know that this is not going unnoticed and is being acknowledged by their managers. They want to hear it. People want to know that their hard work and contribution matter. A simple thank you will do all this as well as make people feel they are an integral part of the organisation.

Acknowledging others is after all an aspect of good leadership. It is about giving people confidence and motivation to support their development.

What do you think is the impact of saying thank you in the workplace? When was the last time you said thank you or someone thanked you?

On this note, many thanks for reading my post and I look forward to hearing your comments.

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user Woodleywonderworks.

Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess who lived far far away. Something terrible happened. The handsome prince came to her rescue. They fell in love and got married. They lived happily ever after. The end.

Throw in a beautiful princess, some evil people and a handsome prince and voila, you have the plot for an award winning fairytale.

Does the princess have to be portrayed as a helpless damsel in distress who needs rescuing? Is the prince always a dashing young man willing to go to any length and endure any danger to save the beautiful princess? Most importantly, why do they always end up getting married and living happily ever after? How do these stories that we grew up with affect our perception of romantic love?

I won’t even address the stereotypical gender roles that are portrayed in these fairytales with clearly defined tasks for girls and boys as that is a different story altogether. Many of us are affected to some degree or another by the FairyTale Syndrome. From childhood we are faced with romantic messages from these fairy tales with perfect happy endings. Disney is especially wonderful at doing this. The most recent film “Entangled” is living proof that you don’t mess with a winning formula (think Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White). All these stories convince us that our prince is out there and he will come to our rescue, we fall in love and live happily ever after. Predictable as they may be, they are gripping and continue to captivate audiences.

Fantasy and fairytales are beautiful. These stories transport us to faraway places with extraordinary people and for a little while you escape reality. They also have their practical uses, such as addressing the issues of right and wrong, good and evil and that actions have consequences. All positive stuff.

However, have fairytales made us beileve that our partners have to be Prince Charming? When reality doesn’t match the fairytale are we disappointed? Is the only guarantee to live happily ever to find and marry Mr Perfect? I am sure that most women out there have kissed their fair number of frogs, so inevitably we start to ask ourselves, “Where is my prince”? Well, Mr Perfect Prince Charming is busy playing cards with Father Christmas and the Easter Bunny.

Frog or Prince, the main thing is to be with someone who loves and respects you for who you are. Most importantly, remember that you are your own Princess and that you can find happiness in any shape or form. You make your happiness and it does not depend on Prince Charming. You are the owner and keeper of your Kingdom and make your own rules.

On the theme of romance and fantasy, cheers to good old chubby Cupid this Valentine season, hoping that he helps fill your life with love. May his arrow be aimed in any direction you choose!

Do you think fairy tales affect our views on Life and Love?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user Loren Javier.

Do you work with a difficult boss? Is your boss making your life miserable at work? Have you tried to address certain issues to no avail? Has the time come to escalate matters and talk to their boss or HR? These conversations are never easy and can cause anxiety so here are a few ideas to try to minimise your distress.

Before engaging in this type of conversation, ask yourself the following:
- Can this person really do anything about the situation?
- Will they expect you to handle the situation on your own?
- Do you actually expect them to take action or is it a good opportunity to vent your frustrations?

If you answered Yes, No, Yes then a conversation is justified.

This conversation is an opportunity to present your case. Remember that you do not want to simply complain about something and expect immediate action. You want to present your problem with a potential solution. You want your chat to seem natural and unrehearsed yet you will have a clear agenda of what you want to get across. It should sound like you are doing your best for the business and the team rather than attempting to undermine your boss.

This discussion is very much a presentation or sales pitch for constructive ideas to move forward. As such, give it some structure in your mind. This will allow you to cover all the issues you want to address as well as keep you away from the drama and too much detail.

6 Tips to Remember when Complaining about Your Boss

1. No emotion
Easier said than done of course!
- If you realise you are getting upset, see yourself as a third person looking down at the conversation. This will give you a more neutral and disengaged perspective of the situation. Another solution is to think of something you find funny. Ideally use a work related image or scenario. Something like the Dilbert cartoons or the series The Office are an option.

2. Management
Consider how it looks from a bigger picture. The person you have escalated the issue to will certainly be thinking about that, so put yourself in his or her shoes. This will also mean you won’t automatically assume he or she is going to take your “side”.

3. Decide what you want
Be clear about what you want them to do. They may have suggestions and ideas of their own so but be prepared to state what you want so they can actually help you achieve it.

4. Business area
Determine how your problem relates to one or more business areas. They will be interested in products, quality, customers, etc, so you want to show how your problem is affecting the bigger picture and the business in these areas. Once you have concrete business examples you will have a winning formula to get their attention.

5. Facts
Focus on the facts. Restrain from complaining about your boss’s personality or assumptions you have made about certain attitudes and decisions.

6. Future
This is important as you want to move forward. Keep the focus of the conversation on what will happen in the future rather than what has happened thus far. This is not to say you can’t use information from past incidents to support your case. It is about staying focused on what needs to be done to rectify the problem.

For you to do…

Actions

Documenting everything in this way will help you take positive action as well as support you should you ever need to take further action…

Ideally you will also analyse your own actions and behaviours to determine how you have been handling yourself in the job.

Until something happens, do your best to be seen as team orientated and co-operative.

Have you had to go over your boss’s head to complain about their behaviour? How did you handle the situation?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image by Flickr user The 5th Ape.

Do you think it is important to keep a tidy desk? Is there any correlation between creativity, productivity and the mess on your desk? Many will say that a messy desk is a display of originality and a good imagination. This is of course an excuse. The reality is most will associate a cluttered desk with disorganisation.

Did you know that a messy desk can actually make you sick? In a survey carried out years ago, researchers at NEC-Mitsubishi questioned 2000 workers and found that many suffered from “Irritable Desk Syndrome” (IDS). IDS is caused by working for long periods of time at a messy desk, often with poor posture, the combination of which can have physical and mental symptoms such as chronic pain and a decrease in productivity.

6 Tips to Keep a Tidy Desk

1. Paper
Devise a system to deal with paper as this is one for the main things that can make your desk appear messy. Filing is a good solution. You could try to create trays or files and divide your correspondence into Urgent and To Do for example. If there are papers you need to keep for the record then ensure you have a method and organised filing system for dealing with these and put them away immediately.

2. Post-Its
Post its are a wonderful invention and can be super useful, yet, they clutter a desk .There is of course also the danger that they somehow get lost. Put these away and write down any reminders in a notebook.

3. Stationery
It is too easy to leave stationery lying around. Put your pens, pencils, rubbers, rulers etc away when you are not using them. Keep then in a tidy container or box. Take this opportunity to go throw your “collection”. Do you really need 26 black pens? Reduce your stationery to a minimum. Only keep what you need.

4. Freebies
Most of us like freebies. Resist the temptation to grab free stuff at conferences as chances are you don’t really need those stickers or that postcard. Just say No!

5. Clear
When you have finished working on something put it away until you need it again. This will prevent mountains of paper piling up. It also ensures you are not surrounded and distracted by half completed projects.

6. Calendar
Keep one “to do” calendar/list so that you know exactly where you are with your tasks. This means you will no longer feel the need to have a visual daily reminder of the projects that you are working written all over the place.

Remember that everything should have its place and you should have a place for everything.

Is your desk tidy? Do you think that a messy desk is a reflection of a messy mind?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image provided by Flickr user orphanjones.

The beginning of a new year is filled with hope and expectations of what is yet to come. Whether you are firm believer that a new year is a new beginning or simply another page on the calendar, chances are you will be reassessing the past and planning for the future.

I am a huge fan of lists and love reading things like “100 Places to Go Before you Die”. Having read many of these lists I have learnt that no list can apply to every single human being. Thus, my intention here is not to give you a list of how to live a better life or how to make the most of 2011. The plan is to generate thought provoking questions that will empower you to come up with your very own answers that will help you live the life you want.

Someone once said that it is better to have some of the questions rather than know all the answers. These questions are not meant to be answered all at once. They are to be thought about on a regular basis and will become part of your personal journey.

20 Questions to Ask Yourself

1. What am I grateful for?
2. Who do I love?
3. What am I doing about it?
4. What do I love about myself?
5. What am I doing to help others?
6. What makes me a good person?
7. What makes me happy?
8. How do I inspire myself?
9. How do I have fun?
10. Have I seen enough of the world?
11. When was the last time I tried something new?
12. What are my dreams?
13. What am I afraid of?
14. How is my lifestyle healthy?
15. What drives me?
16. What bad habits do I want to break?
17. What new habits do I want to create?
18. What is missing in my life?
19. What am I most proud of?
20. How would I describe myself in 2 sentences?

The type of questions you ask will affect the type of life you live as they will trigger a set of answers that in turn will lead to your decision to take action or not.

Last question, what will you do differently, starting now, as a result of your answers to these questions?

Powerful questions are at the heart of creating self awareness and generating personal growth. In my Coaching sessions I support clients in finding the answers within themselves by asking the right questions. Why not sign up for a FREE Coaching session and find out for yourself? What have you got to lose?

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Written by Ana Antunes da Silva.

Image by Flickr user Gumption.